You may not have noticed I haven’t been consistently posting. Or maybe you have.
I tell myself, and my husband, who is my biggest supporter, that I don’t have anything to write about right now…
That I want to wait until I can really launch my website…
Because being on a free blogging site is discouraging…
Because I joined a billion facebook groups about blogging and I can’t compete…
The truth is…
I’m really afraid.
I’m worried that I’m going to fail.
I’m going to put all of this time and effort into putting myself out there, and it’s not going to meet my expectations.
I am paralyzed by this fear, too scared to make a single step forward.
And not just with this blog. I’m becoming aware of all of the ways I sabotage my own success.
My fitness and weight loss journey.
My family’s needs.
My future hopes.
I came across this article on Psychology Today’s website and I realized what I thought were valid excuses were just procrastination efforts.
The effects of failing aren’t (usually) detrimental. I have failed, and I know that I can learn from my failures.
What I found the most moving was this;
“People who have a fear of failure are motivated to avoid failing not because they cannot manage the basic emotions of disappointment, anger, and frustration that accompany such experiences but because failing also makes them feel deep shame.”
Humiliation. Embarrassment. Disgrace.
“Shame is a psychologically toxic emotion because instead of feeling bad about our actions (guilt) or our efforts (regret), shame makes us feel bad about who we are. Shame gets to the core of our egos, our identities, our self-esteem, and our feelings of emotional well-being.”
Does being so painfully aware of this truth mean I am instantly cured of it? Nope. Not even close.
But it does mean that right now, in this moment, I am taking control. I am choosing to stare down that fear and beat it.
With this post.
Tomorrow, I will have to do it again.
Tomorrow, I will find a million little “important” things to do before I promote my blog, before I write another sentence, before I put in a good work out.
Tomorrow, I hope I remember that for today, fear did not win.